Actions Have Consequences

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Actions Have Consequences

Children need to understand that their actions have consequences. That there are rewards and punishments for them depending on what they do, say, and how they behave.

Teaching your kids that they will receive a consequence (good or bad) is a significant part of parenting.

The rules should be made clear within your household.

Here are 8 Things to Do Before Giving Out Consequences to Your Children:

Discuss the Rules of the House

The first step is to talk through the most important rules your children need to follow in your home.

Set the rules of the house, how you will approach meal times, and what firm boundaries your children should follow.

Discuss what guidelines you and your family have.

My spouse works from home, so there are days the kids come home from school and need to be quiet while he is in a meeting.

We have a rule that the kids need to play outside or downstairs while he is in his meetings. They need to use quiet voices when they are inside while he is working.

The punishment for breaking this rule is losing screens at the end of the day. This has only happened a few times. They now understand that these meetings are important and they have to be respectful while they are happening.

Adjust Rules as Your Children Grow

As your children grow, the rules and guidelines will change as well.

Continue to share information about your children, and add new guidance to your family life.

As they grow older, add new rules such as chores, curfew, and having friends visit.

Speaking about the changes within the family will ensure that you and your partner are on the same page.

When we had toddlers, the punishment for hitting was to hold their hands and give them a firm "No. We do not hit." Toddlers are still developing and learning, they need to be told multiple times what they are doing wrong.

If my child was to hit me or their siblings now, they know that they would be removed from the room and have to find somewhere else to calm down. They are older now, and they know this is not acceptable.

Discipline and Rewards

Now that ground rules and boundaries have been established, decide what disciplinary techniques and rewards will be used.

If our children get a good report card in school, they get to go to the book fair and pick out a book. When their report card comes back with negative comments (such as disrespect or poor attitude) they do not get to choose from the book fair. This is a reward that they look forward to, so if they get a poor report and miss out, it is a big disappointment.

Setting a reward and punishment that is suitable is key to keeping kids motivated. So choose something that will make them want to succeed.

Rules Should be Fair and Reasonable

When giving rules and consequences, make sure that they are reasonable and fair.

Kids will mess up, a lot.

Giving them a punishment that fits the "crime" is very important for them to understand the severity of their mistakes. Do not over-discipline your child, or avoid punishment.

I remember when our child was a toddler, he ran into the parking lot. My heart dropped. I chased after him, scooped him up, and carried him back to the car. I got down to his level and scolded him. I explained to "never do that again. It was dangerous and he could get hurt."

This was a moment that he needed to understand that this could not ever happen again. I made sure I explained to him why he could not go into the road, and why that was scary. This was a reasonable rule that I have only had to tell him one time.

Stick to It

Remaining consistent with punishments and rewards will show the kids that there is a standard that has been set and will be followed.

When a child receives the same punishment and reward over and over, they begin to truly understand that actions have consequences. But when there is a flip-flop of the punishments or the times that you get angry, they will become wary of you. Not knowing if you will lash out or what they are going to get rewarded or disciplined for can become stressful for them.

We do our best to stay consistent with our consequences, so our children understand the rules of the house. They understand that they may lose things when they misbehave and they know that they gain things when they are doing well.

Be Your Partner's Ally

Parents need to be each other's ally's when it comes to enforcing the rules and standards of the house.

Ensure that your children understand that what you say goes. That doesn't mean that they can go ask Dad or Mom after you have already said no.

Showing kids that you are partners, and agree with one another will show your kids that this is a structure that stands firm.

There is no way to manipulate either parent.

If my partner says our children can't go out to play, I will stick to the same answer. This can get tricky sometimes because kids are so dang smart. I will try to double-check with my partner to ensure that we don't have any plans or events going on if the kids ask to go do anything.

If he has already given an answer and my child is trying to get a yes from me, they will lose what they are asking for.

Give Plenty of Praise

It is so easy to get mad and overwhelmed with our children.

They seem to do things that they shouldn't and act crazy wild all the time.

Keep in mind that all of the rules and consequences are new to them. All they want to do is play and be happy. They don't come into this world with intentions of breaking the rules or of behaving poorly.

They are usually doing their best to follow the rules and to please you.

So hand out your praise when they are doing the right thing. When they do something good on their own without being told, praise them for it!

Let them know that you are proud of them for being responsible and using the right behavior.

Praise is the best consequence that you can give your child. Show them that you notice the good in them much more than the bad.

Teach them Now, So they Don't Fail Later

It is your job to ensure that our children thrive in the world without you. When they leave your home as adults make sure that they know that there will be consequences for their behavior.

Teaching this to them now will be a benefit to them as adults.