Have the Hard Talks

Talk to your Spouse About Everything. Often.

Because difficult conversations are only hard when they are avoided..

The more you talk about it the easier it becomes.

Throughout your marriage, your perspectives will change a lot. You can begin a relationship with strong opinions, and it will change to something completely different.

This is why it is important to continue speaking to your spouse. Not just in the beginning, but all the time. Continue to ask them what their perspective is on specific topics, you may learn something new.

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Goal Setting

Ask your partner what some of their goals are, from the small, obtainable goals to the long-term goals that will take work.

What do you hope for in the future?
Is there a position that you are working toward in your career?
What does your dream home look like?
Are there fitness challenges you want to try together?

Write the goals down, and tape them next to your bed or by your mirror. This will help both of you visualize what you are working toward.

Remind each other of the goals that you have set, and the steps that you are taking to reach them.

I use this law of attraction planner to help me set and reach my goals, and to stay positive and motivated as I move through the process. Check it out here:

Money

Money doesn't have to be awful to talk about. The first time that you have a discussion, review your finances and see where everything is going.

Once you know where your money is going, you will know which areas need to be cut. This is the hardest part, the reality of how you are spending your money and how much is being wasted.

Now that you know what is going on, you know how to fix it.

The next step is creating a budget. Allocate where the money will be spent and stick to it. This will be so beneficial to your goal setting and to your wallet.

You are married now, so keep in mind that money is something you need to work on together.

Do not go into this conversation angry, or blaming one another. Have this conversation with an open mind, with every intention of getting out of debt and creating wealth.

Religion

Religious views can be deeply personal, or even painful to some people.

It can be a sore spot for one person, and a passion for the other.

Maybe you had a bad experience growing up, and have shut out religious beliefs entirely. It could be something that you never learned and it is easy to just go without.

Or it could be the opposite, you love going to church and want to share your beliefs with everyone you meet.

Speaking about religious views will give you an understanding of one another. Expressing these views with your spouse is important in a marriage.

This will show you what your partner's core values are. Your spouse's religious views are their guide through life.

Eventually, when you have children, a mutual understanding of religious beliefs will be beneficial. It will be a guide on how you will raise your kids, what rules you will enforce, how you will reward them, and what is or is not acceptable within the home.

Raising children with religion is a decision that a husband and wife must make. Each church is run differently, so having this discussion early on will make it easier when including children.

Knowing the beliefs that your partner holds will be an essential part of the way your family functions. So be sure that this is a conversation that is had with one another.

As I was trying to find my own belief, I would write down my thoughts and questions often. This was a great way to move through this time, while keeping my personal feelings to myself. Try using a simple journal for your thoughts on this topic. I like cute and simple ones like the one in the link below.

Politics

Speak to one another about political views, or at the very least, speak about what you know.

Consider which political party you are in, and consider if that is important to you. Think about the controversial laws, what opinions do each of you hold?

As you grow older, politics becomes more and more important. You will begin to notice where your taxes are going, what is happening in your school system, and what the local mayor is providing to the community.

Pay attention to what is going on in your city, and what is happening within your community. Share what you have found with your spouse and see what their opinion is on the topic.

Politics are important, but they can become overwhelming quickly. Start discussing what is affecting your life, and do more research from there.

Deal Breakers

The final area, and the most difficult, is the deal breakers.

What would be a deal breaker for you in your marriage?

Would you (or your partner) leave the marriage over something specific?

Share with your spouse what things they could do that would make you leave. This could be that they cheated or used drugs.

It will be specific to you. Explain to them why this is your line in the sand and why you feel this way. Ask them what their deal breakers are in return.

This conversation is HARD.

This is about sharing what is important to BOTH of you.

It will allow each of you to share your heart, and know what would damage the other person beyond repair.

Nobody deserves to be blindsided by their partner, so knowing what could hurt the other is essential.

Talking about boundaries and ground rules with your spouse will allow you both to feel more comfortable and open within your relationship.