How Changing My Social Media Improved My Mental Health
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Social Media
Social Media was born and the world came together.
I was a Junior in High School when Facebook came out, and in only a few short months, I was hooked on the platform.
Quickly I went from speaking to my friends in person daily to following them online.
The idea of social media was a beautiful one. Friends could stay in touch with each other over the years, we would be able to share our lives with one another so easily, showcasing all the activities and events we were doing.
A beautiful idea that has had disastrous effects on many of us. While it became so easy to see what our friends and family were doing all the time, it also became easy to compare ourselves to them.
Loneliness
I have had access to Facebook and Instagram through every stage of motherhood.
This means, my friends and family were able to see my belly grow throughout pregnancy, they saw the beautiful glow that came with maternity pictures, the hospital image of my newborn baby in my arms.
So many people were able to watch as my life unfolded. They felt as though they were involved in what I was going through because I displayed nearly every moment to the world.
Except, I didn’t feel like the world was there every step of the way. I was actually incredibly lonely. I was posting to feel something. I was sharing these images because I wanted to be seen. I wanted people to see how happy I was and how much I was enjoying these moments, even if I was alone.
I was hoping that someone would ask if we could get together. I was hoping that seeing my image on social media would remind people that I was still around and that I was still doing well. Even when I wasn’t.
While I was pretending on my side of social media, I was watching everyone else's pages with envy.
Addiction
I would see the images that they would share, of their beautiful families. Their children smile at the camera or at the family vacation that they went to. I would leave a comment "how fun!" "So cute!"
That was nothing close to how I really felt. I was saying what you are supposed to say.
In these moments, I would compare their lives to my own, and I would feel such jealousy and shame. Shame that I was not doing that for my children. Jealous that I wasn’t able to go on vacation at this point in my life. I even felt anger that they had what I did not.
I followed my single friends, that didn't have kids. I would see their images of the parties and concerts, all the traveling experiences that they were going on.
I would see what they had, and what I didn't, and I would fall into this dark place that comes with comparison. I felt like there would be no way to be as happy and free as they were.
The comparisons became consuming and so addicting. Even though I knew all these people were doing the same thing I was, posting about their life. I felt pangs of guilt and humiliation inside myself.
I couldn’t stop following. It was a drug, that I was obsessed with. I would look and look and compare and compare until I was literally depressed.
I convinced myself that I was not a good mother or wife. I wasn’t doing enough, I wasn’t being enough for my family. Until one day it just crashed down. I cried and cried about not being enough. I cried about the things that I saw on social media every single day. The judgment, the anger, and the fear of failure.
This all grew increasingly worse during the covid lockdowns. Seeing how easily people were turning on one another behind a keyboard. Seeing how evil our world was becoming.
I had enough.
Starting Over
I deleted person after person until I had not one friend on my account left. I removed all the news reports that brought me any sadness or dark feelings. Any groups I followed that did not provide me with information about my community were gone. I cleared my social media accounts.
I changed the way I used and viewed these accounts, they become a place where I would find activities happening in my town for my kids and me to attend.
I would log onto my accounts, and nothing would be there. There was no drama, no political posts, and no posts about who had the best kids or best husbands. I could feel my head clear. I was becoming a happier person.
I would check to see which events were happening in my community and I would log off.
I felt like I gained hours of my day back. I was no longer consumed by what other people, (whom I hadn’t seen or spoken to in years) were doing.
I was texting and calling friends to check in on them. I wasn’t feeling sorry for myself because people weren’t reaching out to me, and I began to reach out to them.
I would genuinely enjoy time with my friends and with my kids. I didn’t need to take pictures and videos to show the world I was happy. I became genuinely happy and able to live in each moment again.
8 Ways to Help Your Mental Health + Social Media
Social media was a beautiful idea, but it has destroyed so many of us. It is toxic and addictive.
Delete strangers or people that you wouldn’t speak to if you run into them in a store.
Remove anyone that you compare yourself to or anyone that causes you stress.
Block any groups or accounts that cause you pain or insecurities.
Get off TikTok, it is the worst one for you and your kids (Google it).
Keep only the people that bring you actual joy. These are the ones that want to know what is happening in your world.
Set time limits for the accounts that decide to keep. (My iPhone is set at 30 minutes per day on Instagram and Facebook).
Remove social media apps from your phone and only log on during specific times on your computer.
Start to reach out to friends and family over texts or phone calls.
The comparison game will never move you forward, it’ll only bring you down.
Go be with people, stop wishing that you had more, and go get it.
